Oh, I've seen fire and rain.
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end.
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend.
But I always thought that I'd see you again.
I've been here before, you know, the place where your world turns upside down and nothing is familiar. You long for the past or you hope for the future, and of course, in the process, neglect the present moment and its beauty. Hm, seems like a recurring theme.
Sure, the stakes might be higher. I'm alone in a city of millions, heartbroken and a bit lost, definitely facing what's been dubbed (by someone else) a mid-quarter life crisis (aren't I too young for this crap?), but I'm finding happiness in unexpected places. I guess it's God's way of taking care of me.
I can't help but miss Wisconsin all the time, though, and the life I used to know. Everything was so familiar, everything was so comfortable, and I was surrounded by people that I loved and who loved me. I really miss home, and not the physicality of home but the warmth of home. Well, we'll see where these emotions lead me.
In the meantime, when re-reading some old xanga entries and passing down a strange sort of memory lane (everything seemed easier back then, despite my melodramatic insistence that everything was so tough!), and I found the following. And 2 years later, here I am, thinking the same way.... Some things never change.
Someday...
...I'll feel welcome... I'll feel defined.
...I'll write a novel.
...I'll be someone who can love herself and still be admired by others for the right reasons.
...I'll fit in with my family and make them proud.
...I'll be thin and beautiful.
...I'll figure out what my worldview means and what faith is.
...I'll stop taking my friends for granted.
...I'll have my priorities completely straight.
...all this hard work will mean something. I hope.
...I'll paint a picture.
...I'll stop this romantic fantasy world in my head that causes more harm than good.
...I'll begin appreciating the things I have instead of wishing for the things I don't have.
...I'll realize that I'm just like everyone else... and exactly not like everyone else.
...I'll change the world.
...I'll have and appreciate the kind of love that awakens the soul.
And someday I'll stop wishing upon somedays and start living for today.
